The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
