3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
