Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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