Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
