At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
