Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Panties = found
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
