i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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