so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize