TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
