We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize