I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
