There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
