if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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