I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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