I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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