Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
