I just pynch a tree in the face
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
