just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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