this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize