Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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