Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
