I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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