would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
