Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
