he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize