I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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