Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
