Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize