I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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