highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
