i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
