he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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