smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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