I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize