I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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