I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize