Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
