we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
