You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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