my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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