Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
