That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize