I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
