The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
