She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
