Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
