I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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