So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
