we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
