It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
