he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize