i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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