I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
