I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
