Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
