before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
