I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
