she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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