How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
