love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
