Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
