I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
