fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I could make wine with my vomit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
