The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
