So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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