My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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