I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
