Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
