I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
