Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
