my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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