I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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