Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
